A father from Caerphilly is raising money for Tŷ Hafan to thank them for their ongoing support through the most difficult time of his life.
Ashley Murphy, 33, tragically lost his daughter Mila in August last year. She passed away in hospital when she was just five days old.
Since then, the children’s hospice has been working with him, his wife Lauren and five-year-old son Quin, to help them through some of their darkest days.
He’s now taking on some incredible challenges – including running the Brecon Carreg Porthcawl 10K in July and the Cardiff Half Marathon in October – to help raise funds and awareness for the charity that he says has saved his life.
Ashley, who works as a Technical Coordinator, said: “Tŷ Hafan needs to be recognised for what it does. We’d known about it for years but never wished to be part of the family, but the charity has helped us get through some really difficult times.”
When Mila was born on August 7th 2024 at Ysbyty Ystrad Fawr she was struggling to breathe. Doctors immediately took her for supplemental oxygen but she was deteriorating and was rushed to neonatal intensive care.
Ashley said: “The doctors were doing all they could to treat Mila but the lack of oxygen at birth had caused damage to her brain and internal organs. She wasn’t strong enough to fight back.”
Devastatingly on the 11th the family were told Mila wasn’t going to survive. That’s when Tŷ Hafan stepped in to help them make memories with what precious time they had left.
Ashley said: “Tŷ Hafan came into the hospital and helped us take photographs and read stories to Mila. They also took handprints from Mila and Quin to take away and turn into a butterfly, turning something so impossible to understand into something so beautiful.
“We were hoping we’d be able to get her through the night so Quin could be with his sister one more time, but it was just too much. We put a stop to Mila’s treatment, and she passed away at 3am with me and Lauren by her side.”
Since then, the charity has continued to offer its support.
Ashley said: “Tŷ Hafan have been a lifeline. They’ve been on hand to help with counselling and have helped teach my wife and I how to deal with explaining what has happened to Quin. He was so excited to have a little sister, but he understands that she’s an angel now and thanks to the memories we made with Mila in the hospital, every time he sees a butterfly he associates it with her.
“We talk about Mila every day. Our biggest fear is that she’ll be forgotten but Tŷ Hafan never forgets a child.”
Mila is due to have a pebble in the commemorative fountain within the charity’s gardens and her name has also been transcribed into morse code and put into bird song.
Ashley said: “When you’re at Tŷ Hafan, you’re there for the worst thing that could ever happen to you, but it’s such a happy place that you don’t feel like that when you’re there. You feel as if you’re part of a family, you can talk to other people, and it gives you such a sense of relief.
“Everyone at Tŷ Hafan has shown such empathy and care – they’re all angels in my opinion. They offer so much support but they’re never invasive, they’re entirely led by us.
“They understand that the person who’s lost still means something. Mila will always be with us and she’ll always be remembered at Tŷ Hafan.”
Tŷ Hafan is free of charge for the children and families who need its services and currently only receives 14% funding from the Welsh Government towards its annual running costs of £5.9 million. That’s why fundraising and donations are so important.
Ashley said: “I want to raise as much money and awareness as I can for the charity that saved my life. We can never repay or thank them enough for what they’ve done for us. They’ve made sure that our daughter will always be a part of our life and never forgotten.”
Ashley said that exercise has helped him greatly with his mental health. He’s now throwing himself into several fundraising challenges including the Brecon Carreg Porthcawl 10K on Sunday 6 July and the Cardiff Half Marathon on Sunday 5 October to raise money and give himself something to concentrate on.
He said: “Exercise has allowed me to come off antidepressants and sleep medication and for the first time in a long time I’m starting to feel OK. I have up and down days but getting outside allows me to push the demons back and I come back from my runs feeling stronger and in the right frame of mind to be a father and a husband.”
Matt Newman, Chief Executive at event organisers Run 4 Wales, added: “We’re always in awe by the runners taking part in our events and Ashley is no exception, what he’s doing is truly inspirational. Despite experiencing the worst pain imaginable, he’s using this to give back to a charity that’s helped him through the most difficult of times. Our thoughts are with Ashley, Mila and their family and we wish him the best of luck with his fundraising.”